Gift wrapping

I have found that although faith and reason are never mutually exclusive, on occasion, reconciling the two requires us to dig a little deeper.  To do some soul searching, and sometimes reevaluate our preconceived notions.  Which, if you think about it, is kind of the beauty of it all. =)

Case in point:  if I truly believe (which I do) that Heavenly Father wanted me to marry Robert, and I truly believe (which I also do) that He saw the end from the beginning ... logically speaking, you have to wonder.  Why would God give me to Robert, knowing how he was going to treat that gift?  To be clear, I'm not referring to myself as "God's gift to mankind" or anything like that. =P  I just mean the gift of a loyal, loving spouse with an unswerving commitment to keeping her promises.

I have always felt that perhaps my "calling" as a Frederickson wasn't solely about Robert.  Maybe not even primarily.  I still think there's probably some truth to that.

However, shortly after finalizing the divorce, I had a bit of an epiphany.  I had been thinking in terms of myself as a gift given to Robert, without realizing that Robert was also a gift given to me.  Yes, we did have some good times -- in fact, the first years of our marriage were quite happy for the most part.  But that's not what I mean.  It was the second half of my marriage that refined me, strengthened me and purged me of some very deep-seated personal demons.  And frankly, having seen how God literally "sanctified to me my deepest distress," I'm not sure if it could have been accomplished in a less traumatic way.

In short:  I came to believe that my experience with Robert was a lovingly gift-wrapped, personally engraved trial sent from an all-knowing, all-loving Father.

I shared these thoughts at the time with some of my family, and yesterday I got a text from my sister that made me tear up a bit.  It was typed on a phone keypad, so I'm going to try to standardize the punctuation and capitalization a bit while still quoting as exactly as possible:

"So I was having a little giggle the other night as I was falling asleep ... remembering the conversation we had (a few weeks ago) about how crazy your life is.  You were saying that with your unpredictable life you didn't want to commit to leases or cell phone contracts because ... the Lord might drop Mr. Wonderful in your lap in two weeks, or you might be single for quite some time, etc. (Editor's note:  Yes, I think I really did say that, but since it took me 34 years to find my first husband, the idea of a two-week time frame felt about as likely as winning the lottery, which I have never played). And I said 'Yeah, I wouldn't surprised either way.' Which is true. But my first reaction to your (new relationship) was kind of funny--almost like an appreciation of the Lord's sense of timing and feeling like He owes you.  Gift-wrapped trials, and almost immediately after, gift-wrapped blessings =)"

Now:  I am perfectly sincere in expressing my gratitude for my gift-wrapped trial.  But ... holy cow... MAN, I REAAAALLY prefer my gift-wrapped blessing !!!!