"Love is blind"

People generally use this phrase in a negative light ... for one thing, they're talking about infatuation, not love.  And yes, absolutely, when you're twitterpated you often choose to ignore anything that might get in the way of your desire to be with that person.  We've probably all experienced that.

But I'm now realizing that when we genuinely love our family members -- and when we love God enough to take our covenants seriously -- it can lead to a different kind of blindness.  The factors that we might consider in choosing a friend, or a roommate,or a business partner just don't matter.  It's completely irrelevant if your child or sibling or spouse has no time management skills.  Or a really annoying laugh, or stinky feet.  You don't really care about what they may or may not have in common with you.  All that matters is that you're family, you take each other for who and what they are, and do the best you can.  Of course, that doesn't mean that parents shouldn't try to help their kids overcome bad habits.  Nor does it justify any of us for not giving the best of ourselves in our family relationships.  It just means that as you're struggling to figure out how to make the best of things, it doesn't even cross your mind to question whether you should.

This might sound like a very strange thought from somebody on the verge of dissolving a family.  But here's what I'm getting at:  for seven and a half years, I was "blinded."  Factors like whether or not we were compatible, and all the things that I did and didn't like about each individual -- they just weren't on my radar screen.  Why bother to delineate the faults of somebody you love, if there's no real reason to?  I was, in a certain sense, "blind" to them.

Now ... since this is a public blog, I won't elaborate on why it's now time to end my marriage -- and by extension, my entire family.  It just is.

But, now that I am, the blinders are falling away.  Not in the sense that I've suddenly started making lists of things that have bugged me all this time. =P  However, I am realizing that ... gulp ... we never were a particularly good fit.  We are all products of our parents and the atmosphere we were raised in.  And trying to blend this Madsen-DuPont into a family of Insley-Fredericksons was a bit of a square peg/round hole situation from the beginning (editor's note:  all last names, and first names of minors, will be changed in this blog).  That's not their fault.  Nor is it mine.  They all tried, they really did.  Heaven knows I did the best I knew how.  I really, truly, considered myself a Frederickson, and consecrated the rest of my eternity to the well-being of that family unit.  I did it gladly, out of love for them and for my Heavenly Father who asked me to do so.

So, you might think that this realization would involve some bitterness, or maybe a sense of futility.  It doesn't.  It actually makes me feel hopeful.  For one thing, if I can unconditionally and permanently (in my mind, at least) dedicate myself to one family, I can do the same with another.  Plus, now that I can look at the situation from the outside, I can definitely see some insights and lessons that will help me in the future.  Hopefully Robert and the kids can say the same. =)