So, remember back in January when I got divorced? Yeah, me too. Except that I didn't.
Yep. Sigh. It is quite a story, and quite frankly, one that could only happen in my bad-soap-opera-plot of a life. Maybe someday I'll feel like getting into it ... maybe not ... but at least for now, I want to focus on looking forward, not backward. What matters now is that I thought I was divorced, I wasn't, and now I am. At least, I'm 99% sure that I am, since I have yet to hold the decree in my own hands. But it has been confirmed by the court clerk.
What this means is that I'm just now going through the logistical nightmare of insurance, car titles, cell phones, bank accounts etc. And emotionally speaking, I'm right smack-dab back where I was at this time last year. Whimper.
I don't pretend to know why this happened. But one thing that keeps coming to mind is the Israelites that were left in bondage for 400 years. One possible reason for this was to allow them to grow in numbers so that they could survive the population decimation that would be involved in getting them settled in the Promised Land. And no, I haven't grown in population, but I am nicely settled into my "real" job now, and I have a small cushion in my bank account. I feel a lot calmer about being able to provide for myself.
Of course, I will have a vastly different standard of living -- I guess that's pretty much unavoidable, if you want to live independently and you're STARTING to prepare for retirement with twenty-some years to go. No more cable TV, no more buying lunch at work, no more paid subscriptions of just about any kind. I may never be a homeowner again, and if I ever go on another cruise, it certainly won't be in a suite. =P
But I can meet all of my material needs. And although every other context of my life is currently in flux, I'm not starting a new job on top of everything else -- or even worse, wondering when the job will finally come through.
No sane person would ever want this. Nobody consecrates their life and their eternity to somebody in the hopes that it will blow up their face.
But that's my cross to bear, for reasons I don't yet know. And as far as 40-something divorcees go, I really have very little to complain about. It will all work out in the end. And in the meantime, I will continue to breathe. =)
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