The day before I left, I was talking to Lizzie about a very comforting truth that I have seen at work in my life before, and I am currently seeing again for both of us. When the Lord asks us to do something that will be very difficult and scary, He always sets up a safety net that will get us through it. Sometimes in retrospect we can see that it has been developing for years, ready to spring up at the precise moment that we need it. Sometimes it's not quite so obvious, and we don't know all the details of how it came to be. But it is always there.
However ... most often, we have to take that first step into the darkness. We have to face our fears head on, and act with faith and courage. We have to trust that the Lord will provide, without knowing how it will work out.
For Lizzie, leaving for college was exponentially harder than it is for most people. She was absolutely terrified. But she knew that if she didn't take that step, she would start to stagnate. She wouldn't become the woman that she wants to be, and the potential wife that will attract the kind of husband she wants to have. It still terrified her, but she did it. And that's what we were talking about that day. We had just discovered that there is an Arby's (where she has worked for nearly three years) right down the street, and they were hiring. That was a HUGE source of stress off her plate, and she starts work today. The friend she relies on most, and who we thought would be living a couple of miles away, is in fact right across the street. Lots of other, smaller things all add up to the fact that she is relatively calm, very hopeful and ready for an awesome new life. =)
AND, I am pleased & grateful to report, the same thing has been happening for me. There are many factors, but here are some that I am particularly thankful for today:
1. Even though I sacrificed my intended career path when I got married, another very rewarding one is opening up to me (back story: I was halfway through a Ph.D program in French Civilization and intended to become a French professor, now I work as a writer/editor/translator). This is mostly through my high school best friend who found me on Facebook at just the perfect time. But it's also thanks to a friend of 22 years who contacted me when she needed a favor ... and by doing that favor for her, I got my foot in the door in the first place.
2. While obviously this didn't happen just for me and my personal safety net, the internet in general and Facebook in particular have been godsends. My "rebirth" would have been a very, V E R Y different process without them.
3. A cherished friend from many years ago has resurfaced. While we had occasionally crossed paths over the years, he popped back into my life a year ago with something as random as a Facebook message saying "Hey, wanna play Scrabble?" He understands the dynamics of my particular divorce situation better than anyone else. He is brutally honest when necessary, almost annoyingly motivational, and refuses to indulge in pity parties -- his, mine, or anyone else's. That might not sound like the type of shoulder one would choose to cry on, but I always feel better after spending time with him.
4. This might sound like a really strange thing to count as a blessing, but ... indulge me. =P The past two and a half years have been gradually sucking the life out of me, and that actually is a good thing. While I feel quite confident that this is the appropriate time for my marriage to end, I wouldn't feel NEARLY as calm and prepared for it without these 30 months of pain. I needed to stick around to get Lizzie launched into her adult life -- besides which, Robert and I both believe that I literally saved his life a year ago. And, perhaps the most fundamental factor is this: I BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE. I could not have peace in my heart if I had walked away when it stopped being fun. But it has taken a very heavy toll on me. Which means that now that it's time to move on, there is a great deal of relief mixed in with the grief.
And of course, I have a loving family support system. I have my precious Elizabeth Rose, who still needs me. I have the gospel of Jesus Christ, which gives me hope and comfort and the strength to do mighty things.
Grazie/merci/thank you. =)
